Ok, here is the first of several reports on the state of my son. some of it will be advice/warnings for those of you entering parenthood now, but much of it is just me spreading my good cheer at having the most wonderful baby on Earth (am I biased?!).

Topic #1- Size:
This is a big boy. It is hard to believe that something this small compared to the rest of us, could be this big. How big is he? Well, just this week he went in for his two month checkup. He is 24 1/2 inches long and more than 13 pounds. This puts him in the 95th percentile for height and 90th for weight (so he is tall, but not quite fat!). Now, they say that baby height/weight have nothing to do with their adult size, but I think they are wrong. This kid is gonna be 6-5 and a dominating off guard. I am thrilled about the size. Kathy, who has to hold him all day and nurse him, would be very happy if he was just a little smaller. She is also convinced I had an affair with some really tall woman and that is why he is so big. I know the science of it does not make sense, but we simply cannot figure out how 5-2 Kathy and 6-0 Jason produced this monster.

Topic #2- What comes out of him:
Babies do two things really well. Throw up and poop. Usually they do this in small, baby-like amounts and in small, baby-like ways. But sometimes they do not. This is especially true of boys who love to pee wildly when their penis is out in the air and uncovered. More than anything though, be on the lookout for "projectile poop." It moves fast and once it hits, it will not come out of whatever it has infected. If you thought Ebola was bad, you clearly have not experienced "projectile poop."

Topic #3- Sleep and Smiles:
The single greatest moment I have experienced in the past two months was the time I came home last week, picked up Drew and smiled at him... and he smiled back. A smile will cure all evils, even projectile poop. That said, the second greatest moment was the time I woke up at 7am and realized that he had just slept through the night. Now, he is not doing it all the time and sometimes it takes some pacifier coaxing to get him to amke it all the way til sunup, but the fact that he is sleeping through the night at all is cause for a national holiday. I have heard from some parents that their baby was sleeping through the night at one week... if this happens to you, keep it very quiet. If any of your fellow parent friends find out, then they will secretly plan to call your phone at 4am every night for the next three weeks.

Topic #4- The little things:
Random notes now... There is nothing on Earth quite as calming and pleasing as having a baby fall asleep on your shoulder or stomach. It is especailly nice on Saturday and Sunday mornings around 7am when Kathy feeds him and then hands him to me and I put him on my tummy (tummy to tummy) and we fall asleep together... Mirrors are gods gift to parents. Give Drew a mirror and his best friend is suddenly right there next to him for him to play with. The thing Drew likes best about his best friend is that whenever Drew does something, his friend does it back... Baths are fun but messy. A happy baby kicks its legs and thrashes about with its arms. These are not good traits for keeping things dry during a bath. Drew is happy in the bathtub, which means the bathroom is wet... Babies are not very good critics. I know this because Drew actually likes to hear me sing to him. Many nights he goes to sleep to the sounds of daddy belting out songs from "The Lion King" while rocking him back and forth. Yeah, I know it is probably spoiling him, but you try not to spoil your kids. I dare ya...

There is so much more I could say. All you other parents know what I am talking about when I say that I have a new favorite topic of conversation. Basketball and Movies just got knocked down a notch on my list.

See you all soon...

--Jason.

And here is the second report... emailed in early April!

Subject: Drew Bear Report #2 Author: Jason Evans at TBSCNNCENTER13 Date: 09.04.97 18:59

Here is the second in a regular series of notes on the most amazing child on the planet, my son. They are as much for me to keep and remember him as they are for all of you to know about this wonderful joy we call parenthood. Anyway, enjoy and if you have any criticism, keep it to yourself. haha!

Drew is now three months and one day old (but who is counting). I think it is possible that his massive growth has slowed a bit. Remember that he was 95th percentile in height and 90th in weight at the two month mark. I am still hoping he gets to be 6-2 in height and about 180 in weight (tall and thin!). Kathy still thinks I am crazy to believe that anything that issued from her womb would grow that tall.

Toothless Smiles:
You may recall I mentioned how Drew could melt a polar icecap with the joy you see in his smile. Well, after looking at it and being amazed by it for the past month, I have figured out his secret... he has no teeth. As a result, when he smiles even a little bit, it looks like a huge beaming smile cause there is nothing but black between his gums. Try to imagine this and you may understand what I am talking about. This kid opens his mouth and it looks like the biggest smile you or I could ever give. It is a clever trick designed by god to show us how happy our babies are beacuse they do not yet have the proper grasp of words to tell us themselves.

Green Poop:
What note on a baby would be complete without a mention of some grotesque bodily function! For this note, I will focus on the color of my child's poopie. Early on, it was mostly an orangish-brown color. It was sometimes yellow. About two weeks ago, I became very alarmed when I took off his diaper and saw a mass of sticky dark green stuff. Ohmygodwheredidthatcomefrom!?!?!?!? For those of you who are just having babies, do not be alarmed when you see the green doo-doo, it turns out this is just a natural progression in the color of your child's dumps. Appearantly, green poop is a sign your kid's liver is working properly. I just wanna know what he is eating and drinking that is going thru his liver and making his shit green!

Standing Up:
Ok, I am not gonna sit here and lie to you and tell you that Drew Bear is standing up and walking around at three months old... but he is doing something damn close to it. He loves loves loves to straighten out his legs and put all his weight on them while you steady him by holding onto his hands or his underarms. He supports his full weight and looks around with wonderment at how strong his legs are. Sometimes, if he sees something worth moving towards, he even takes a cautious step forward... before collapsing in a heap from the utter exhaustion of standing up. On one or two occassions, I have loosened my grip on his hands and let him stand on his own for a good half a second before he loses his balance and comes tumbling down into daddy's arms. My mother says I should be careful about this whole thing because babies that walk too soon and put too much strain on their legs can end up bow-legged. This had me paniced for about five minutes until I called my father-in-law, the doctor, who said that was a bunch of hogwash. I figure that if he is wrong and my mom is right, Drew will still have a career someday as a bow-legged cowboy riding the range and bringing in the herd.

Hand Sucking:
The happiest day in your child's early life will be the day he or she discovers their thumb. "Wow! Look what I have on the end of my hand... a portable pacifier!" Drew has figured out that his thumb would make a great thing to suck upon, but he has not yet figured out how to stick it out and put it in his mouth. So, he does the next best thing and sucks his whole hand. He just shoved his fist into his mouth and starts slobbering all over the place. He laughs and smiles and drools throughout the entire exercise. Seeing as Kathy and I rarely give him a pacifier anymore, we allow him this indulgence. In fact, we find it really funny. It is almost as funny as his "Ray Charles" immitation that he did before his arm became dexterous enough for him to put his hand in his mouth. He knew that hand would be good to suck upon, but could not really control it or his head. So he would waive his hand back and forth in front of his face while his head would rock back and forth trying to catch up with his hand. It was hysterical. Sometimes he would shut his eyes because he was concentrating so hard on his swaying head and hand and he would look just like Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder rocking their heads. Many a laugh came from that.

By 3 months, your child should be...: Ok, one of the first things I learned as a parent was that all the books and advice about raising your child are horse-pookey. The thing that drives me the most crazy is the part of the books that says:

By age three months, your child should be: -holding his or her head at a 90% angle when on their tummy. -sleeping at least 6 hours in a row at night. -smiling when smiled at. -following with their eyes an object held 6 inches from their face and slowly moved from right to left. -reading the complete works of Milton and writing book reports on the Illiad and the Odyssey.

This is such junk! It drives me insane. I will admit it, Drew hates to be on his stomach and as a result he is "behind" in holding his head up and probably will wait his own sweet time to get on his belly and start crawling. But I refuse to believe that this means he will graduate a year late from high school or be forced to take a job that requires him to ask people if they want a packet of ketchup with their fries. My advice is to stay away from books which say these things... Of course I am compelled to mention that even thought Drew is "bellying" at just a two month old pace, he is "watching things" the way a five month old baby would.

Romance:
I am proud to report that Drew is a regular Cassanova, already having written a love letter to Mike Paz's new baby girl. He is also persuing dates with a three week old in Connecticut and the soon to be born Gutierrez baby in Miami. Lady killer!

Well, that is about it for this ramble. Thanks for indulging me. By the way, Kathy and I just got back an amazing role of film from which we made some extra copies of the best pics of the little guy. Anybody who wants to see how much he has changed, just lemme know and a new picture will be headed your way (it is amazing how much better the pictures get when the kids start smiling and open their eyes)!!

Much Love,

--Jason.

Alan,

Yet another note about my son... my favorite topic. This one is much more current and much shorter than the others. Talk to ya soon,

--Jason.

Written on: 6.25.97, just moments before attending the reunion!

For those of you waiting desperately for news, here is the latest on that little puddle of fun, Drew Bear:

Food: He still eats from mommy but has started solid foods as well... if you can call this rice-cereal stuff we give him solid. He gets it once a day in the evening and he adores it. We started by giving him one tablespoon-worth... he devoured that up and started banging on his high chair for more. so now he gets a five tablespoon serving (one tablespoon of which ends up on his face/hands/bib). He is a little piglet!

Sleep: He was an angel for the longest time. For two months, he consistently slept from 9 or 10pm until 8 or 9am without making a peep. but, in the past week or so, something has changed. He keeps on waking up screaming at 4am and nothing we do makes him go back to sleep (we refuse to feed him because we do not want to develop an overnight feeding habit). He is teething and we think he is wailing because his teeth hurt. He has also felt kind of warm, so he may have a low grade fever (not uncommon for a baby). The most remarkable part of it is that he is asleep while he cries. We are still trying to figure it out and hope it is just a temporary stage.

Getting around: Drew is showing signs of starting to crawl. When you put him on his back, he scootches around backwards. The other night he scooted under my mothers bed on his back. It was quite funny. On his tummy, he starts kicking his legs and trying to go forward. He has not yet figured out that the whole process would be much easier if he got up on his knees and raised his tummy off the ground. We are in no hurry for him to grow up, so we are not going to give him any hints... next thing you know he will want the car keys. On the topic of getting around, Drew's new favorite toy is his walker. He gets in it and starts jumping up and down and moving around the kitchen. He does not really control where he is going too well, so he sometimes runs into walls and gets frustrated, but he is learning. If you hold out your arms and call to him, he gets all excited and tries to walk toward you. In a week or so he will probably have it mastered and we will have to chase him all over the place.

There is oh so much more... but I am outta time. More details some other time!

--Jason.